Little Goals, Big Changes

I’ve always been ambivalent about assigning homework and reading in between therapy sessions. If you can do it, it’s a great thing because it speeds up therapy and reduces the number of sessions that you’re probably going to need. The trouble is that sometimes, I feel like assigning homework is like setting some people up for failure... sort of...

I mean, you can’t really fail in therapy. I’m really okay if people don’t get the reading done because I’ll show you in the session how to do whatever it was I wanted you to read. That being said, it can still feel like a little failure to the person coming to see me (even though it really, really is okay with me - I get how busy people are).

Life is full of these little failures and they can get pretty tiresome.

We know we should work out... but we don’t.

We know we should eat better... but we don’t.

We know we shouldn’t wait until the last minute to do our taxes... but we don’t.

The list could go on and on.

The road to self-improvement seems to be paved with all of these shoulds and even more things to add to an already busy schedule. That disconnect between where you are and were you would like to be is a place that is often filled with a great deal of pain and self-recrimination.

Instead of trying to figure out how to be a better person, it can often be more helpful to think about what would make you a happier person. Sounds more fun too, doesn’t it?

Take something stressful off of your plate. Meet a friend for coffee (or call a friend if you’re short on time). Listen to an uplifting piece of music. Take a break from the office and get some fresh air.

All these little things really add up and they are often the first thing many cognitive behavioral therapists will get you started on because they make such a big impact in terms of your mood.

Worry about the bigger changes once you get your energy moving in the right direction. Nobody has every made any positive changes when they are completely drained, depleted or are beating themselves up for not being able to do more.

Treat yourself with kindness, get some rest, have some fun and then you’ll be in the right frame of mind to come up with a plan that will really suit you instead of setting some unrealistic and impossible set of goals that will leave you feeling worse off than before you started.