Who Pushes Your Buttons?

I drew this cartoon at a really excellent trauma therapy workshop (I know, only a psychologist would be excited about something like that — but in my defense — it was really, really good). The speaker was talking about how a traumatic memory can be activated later by something or someone that reminds the person of the original traumatic event. Basically, someone or something pushes a button.

We might not like tall men with moustaches because a tall man with a moustache once hurt us. We might be terrified of all little dogs because we were once attacked by a little dog when we were three. We get anxious when a discussion gets heated because it reminds us of when things were out of control in our home growing up.

Believe it or not — just realizing that a button is being pushed is progress. It is a very big first step towards breaking out of old habitual patterns of seeing others as the source of our misery.

You have a lot more power when you begin to work on disconnecting your buttons instead of blaming others or feeling like a victim. You realize that you are the one responsible for feeling scared, weak or angry - even if you don’t quite know how to change it yet.

It is also important that you don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for being a bad person in this stage of increased awareness. We’re human. We blame. We react. Awareness is the first step in changing our old reactive ways of being. Patience for yourself and others is the second. When you regularly practice awareness and patience it is surprising how that will gradually help you stay as calm as a Zen master, no matter what is going on around you.