How to Have a Panic-Free Pandemic
Being a psychologist in the middle of a global pandemic has been full of interesting experiences. One surprise has been how many people have been asking, "You're okay, right?". I suppose they assume that if my coping skills are well-honed enough to get me through this nightmare of an experience, then maybe there’s hope for them, too. I may be a psychologist, but I am also human - and yes, I believe we’re all going to be ok.
Here are the facts: I'm horrified that there is a virus that is causing so much death and suffering. I'm afraid for friends of mine who work in hospitals and are putting themselves at risk to take care of others. I'm concerned about older or ill friends and family who are at increased risk. I'm a bit overworked and trying to adjust to a new workflow. But - I'm sleeping well, I’m generally calm, and I’m able to focus on what I need to get done. Sometimes, I'm even a little optimistic about the future.
The secret to my well-being? Low expectations! I've worked hard for the past 20 or so years not needing things to be a certain way. I have practiced hard to be okay with unexpected and unwelcome change. Life is always going up and down and my main goal in life is to let go of what I can't control.
I'm also easy on myself if I can't fully accept what's happening. This is what I also help people do in therapy. I love the challenge of showing someone how they can let go of needing certainty; how lowering standards brings the freedom and space for what is really important in life. And when it comes to COVID-19, this thinking has served me well.
Here are 4 key strategies that are helpful in keeping panic at bay during this pandemic:
Learn to be okay with uncertainty. When we don't know how something is going to turn out we often assume that it is going to be terrible. The reality is that there is also a chance that things will be okay. Increasing your tolerance for uncertainty is an important skill - it’s okay not to know the outcome ahead of time. The better you get at that, the lower your anxiety will be.
Remember that you CAN cope with the tough stuff. There is no getting through life without loss or pain. In cognitive behavioural therapy, we focus on helping people remember their strengths; how they have coped with other tough situations and how they can get through the current one. Coming up with a list for how you can cope with your worst-case scenario can help relieve your worry.
You can have more than one feeling at the same time. You can be sad about a cancelled event at the same time as feeling grateful to be healthy. You can be happy to have a job, but feel tired and exhausted from trying to learn how to do that job remotely. Just because you are okay in one area doesn't mean you have to suck it up in another - it is possible to feel good and bad at the same time.
Lower your expectations and reduce impossibly high standards. Perfectionism can be soul-crushing and confidence-destroying. There are few who can sail through a crisis without a misstep. Take that pressure off of yourself and do your best without beating yourself up. Sure, we can all do better. But in the meantime, it's more important to be kind to yourself rather than obsess about being perfect.
Just remember that most - if not all - of us are struggling with this unwelcome change of events. It takes time to adjust to a new reality. It's okay to be sad about what you have lost. It's okay to have mixed-feelings. It's okay to be less than perfect. But it's not okay to beat yourself up or hide away your emotions. Be honest with yourself. Be kind to yourself. We will get through this.