Take a Deep Breath Mommy!
I can’t believe that summer is already over. I feel liked I blinked and missed August and was shocked to see that I hadn’t written a blog article since July! Now it’s back the craziness of getting the kids off to school every morning, then to after school activities and homework.
My kids started school last week (one in grade 2 and the other in kindergarten) and I wish I could say that we’ve made the transition gracefully and with ease. No such luck. Trying to get them out the door is like herding cats!
This morning seemed particularly disorganized and my seven year old ended up telling me to take a deep breath. I would have found it funny if I wasn’t trying to do a million things at once so I could get them to school before the bell rang.
As much as I wish that I could tell you that all my cognitive therapy and mindfulness training makes me as calm as a zen master — that wouldn’t be the truth. Generally, I’m much more peaceful than I was 15 years ago (before meditation and cognitive therapy) and it takes a lot more to get me fired up — but I still do get stressed out from time to time. The main difference now is that I recognize it when it’s happening and I can make an effort to not get as caught up in it as before.
I also keep resolving to do better next time. If I beat myself up or called myself a screw-up for not being perfect 100% of the time, it would be demoralizing and I would be even less likely to do better in the future.
Instead, I like to follow a practice recommended by Pema Chodron where you aspire to act with compassion when you wake up in the morning. At the end of the day, if you were able to achieve your aspiration just once then you should pat yourself on the back and celebrate. If you screwed up, lost your temper or were unkind then you should still celebrate that this time you recognized your shortcomings and that you are no longer living in ignorance.
Most of us know what we should do — but it’s a very different thing to actually do it. Whether it is being more patient with the kids, sticking to a diet or exercise program, decluttering your closets, or getting your finances under control, looking at ourselves with clarity and compassion are necessary if we are going to try and break a bad habit or become a more peaceful person.
So, the next time you lose it and maybe hear yourself speaking (maybe yelling) the same words your mother used when she was frustrated with you- remember that next time you will resolve to do better and act with patience and compassion. Gradually, you will do better and I believe that those changes will be more stable because they evolved over a period of time rather than trying to force a change overnight.